Aging Faster
by TheBatmanForever
Summary: Joker has never found a way to get away from Batman, but when he realizes that taking Batman's youth would slow him down (or eventually kill him), he almost beats the bat. (t for teens!)
1. Chapter 1

Batman grunted and fell to the ground. Joker laughed wildly and pointed his gun at Batman. "You know, Bats? You're just too much fun!" Joker said with a smile.

"Not everything is a joke, Joker," Batman said. He pulled his legs up and kicked Joker's stomach. Joker fell back and Batman was able to get to his feet. He jumped in the air and swung his feet around, kicking Joker twice in the face. Joker fell to the ground with a grunt and his gun shot at the ground. He yelped and rubbed his face. He jumped to his feet and ran to Batman with his gun. He pulled the trigger and shot in Batman's direction several times, but Batman dodged every bullet. Joker growled in frustration. He pulled the trigger again but only heard _click_ and realized that he was out of bullets!

"Why won't you just die already?" Joker yelled as Batman threw a rope around Joker. It tied him together and he fell to the ground. Batman approached Joker with a frown.

"I'm too young to die," he replied and launched his batgrapple to a roof. He was pulled to the roof and a moment later police sirens came around the corner. Joker sighed as the police took him into their vehicle. As they drove back to Arkham, an idea sparked in Joker's head.

"Too young, Batman?" he said to himself. "Now let's just see what happens when you're too old!" Joker began to laugh maniacally but suddenly the police hit him with the back of their gun.

"Be quiet," he demanded. Joker frowned, but giggled.

A week later since his fight with Joker. To his surprise, it seemed way too easy. A couple punches and a rope got him back in Arkham. So every night, Batman patrolled the city and checked Arkham carefully.

Tonight, Batman saw a quick flash of a silhouette run by the batmobile. He narrowed his eyes jumped out, ready for anything. Suddenly someone kicked his neck from behind and he fell to the ground but quickly rose. He looked behind him and saw Harley Quinn standing on top of the batmobile, holding black lipstick. She applied it and puckered her lips after. "Alright, B-man! I'm ready," she said. She jumped off the roof of the batmobile and tackled Batman back to the ground. She fell on top of him and Batman struggled to get out. "Now gimme some sugar, baby," Harley said. She kissed Batman's lips and let go with a smile. "Hey, you know what?"

Batman narrowed his eyes.

"I kinda liked that," she said and kissed his lips again, this time longer. She smushed her lips deeper into his and licked his tongue, then let go again. She licked his cheek. "And you know what else?" Harley said. She stood up off of Batman. "These lips are filled with youth, which is something I'm stealin' from ya!" She laughed and backflipped. "Bye, bye, Batsy!" Batman wiped his mouth and cheek, then stood up. But suddenly there was a pain in his back that felt sore. He ignored it and jumped up to get in the batmobile, but his legs failed him and he fell on the door. Batman groaned and the pain felt more intense. He opened the door and turned the engine on. Then his breaths became more and more difficult. Something was wrong, so he drove straight to the Wayne Manor.

He arrived in the Bat Cave and Alfred was waiting for him with a tray of fresh fruit. Batman stepped out of the batmobile and carefully slid down, becoming more tired. "Master Bruce, are you alright?" Alfred asked. Batman's breaths became more labored. He grabbed his mask and pulled it off. Alfred gasped and dropped the tray of fruit.

"Alfred," Bruce said. He noticed his voice was becoming more hoarse. "Get me a mirror." Alfred hesitated, but ran up to the Wayne Manor. He came a few moments later with a mirror and handed it to Bruce. Bruce looked at himself and gasped. "Alfred!" he yelled. "I look like I'm fifty-years old!" Alfred nodded.

"Sir, did something happen to you tonight?" he asked. Bruce thought, then remembered.

"It was Harley. She was holding a lipstick and applied it on, then kissed me. She told me that her lips were filled with youth, which was something she was stealing from me," Bruce explained. He looked at his glove and saw a smudge of black from Harley's lipstick. He ran to the Batcomputer and placed his hand underneath a camera. The camera took pictures and it appeared on the Batcomputer. Many, many words appeared describing what it was and where it came from. But the results showed nothing except for what Bruce already knew. "Joker created it. He asked me why I would never die and I told him because I was young."

"So Joker decided to take away your youth. That way he would be flexible and energetic, while you became slower and sore," Alfred said. "Quite a nasty trick."

"This isn't a trick, and it's certainly not a joke," Bruce said seriously. "I could stay at this

age forever, and maybe even get older."

"Master Bruce! You're hair," Alfred said. Bruce sighed.

"It's turning grey," he guessed and put his mask back on. "In order to get the antidote, I'll need a sample of the original poison."

"Which would require going back to Harley Quinn," Alfred said. "In your condition, I'm not so sure that's a good idea, sir."

"What other choice do I have?" Batman said. "Every second I age. By tomorrow I could be dead." Alfred sighed.

"Do be careful, sir," he said. Batman nodded and ran back to the batmobile, ignoring the pain. He turned the engine on and drove to where he met Harley Quinn earlier that night. He parked the batmobile and jumped out.

"Harley!" he bellowed. He heard a woman's laughter. "Harley, come out." Harley front flipped out of the shadows with a bright smile.

"I see the poison is gettin' ya," she said. "You know, Mr. J is really brilliant. Who'da thought of takin' away your youth?"

"Joker apparently," Batman said. "Harley, I need the original poison." Harley laughed.

"And what makes ya think I'll give it to ya?" she said.

"Because then our little game will end. I'll die eventually of age or illness. I'll become slower and weaker and you won't have any competition or fun," Batman said. Harley dropped her smile and began to think. "And also, we'll never get to be together." Harley widened her eyes at Batman, but then narrowed it. She walked closer to him with her index finger outwards.

"Alright, listen up, B-man," she said. "I love my puddin' and nobody else! And he loved me back!"

"If Joker loves you, then why did he make the poison a lipstick?" Batman asked. "He purposely made it so you had to kiss me." Harley thought again.

"You're wrong!" she yelled and punched him. "My puddin' does love me! He does!"

"Harley," Batman said weakly. "The only person who could love you is me." Harley growled and punched him again. Batman fell to the floor and Harley beat him several more times until he was unconscious.


	2. Chapter 2

Batman groaned and his eyes slowly opened. He looked around and found himself in a dark room, tied down to a chair. Harley opened the door that was in front of him and walked in the room. The only light source was a small lightbulb hanging from the ceiling.

"Harley, listen," Batman said. "You have to get me the original poison. If you don't, Gotham will be in peril."

"Do you think I care?" Harley growled. "I only care about my puddin' and me."

"Harley, you don't understand the consequences of this."

"Alright, _you_ don't understand that I'll _never_ betray Mr. J!" Harley yelled.

"You're not betraying him," Batman lied, an idea starting in his head. He sat in the chair calmly, as if Harley wasn't even kidnapping him. "How many times have you fought?"

"Once," Harley lied and crossed her arms. A moment later she sighed and in a shaky voice said, "Countless."

"He doesn't love you. He only takes advantage of you to do all his dirty work," Batman said. Harley stayed silent.

"How do I know you're not tricking me?" she said suspiciously.

"How _do_ you know?" Batman said, his voice becoming a whisper. "Try me." Harley sat down on Batman's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed his lips and pushed her legs closer to his body. Her private area was almost on him and she gently bounced up and down. She broke from the kiss a moment later. Harley stepped off him and walked out of the room. A moment later she came with the poison and cut Batman free. He took the poison and poured it in his antidote, then drank it. Immediately he felt younger and stronger.

Batman looked at Harley and smiled. "Thanks," he said. He walked towards the door and grabbed the knob, but Harley stood in front of him.

"Joker should be around the corner," she said, then stepped aside. Batman nodded, then ran out.

Harley was right. Joker was waiting outside for who knows what. He smiled and looked at Batman. "It looks like you're back to your normal self," he said and sighed. "I knew you'd find a way to make an antidote."

Batman ran up to Joker and kicked his chest. Joker fell down to the ground with a sigh. "Alright, just do it already. Take me away to Arkham. Let me rot in my cell and hopelessly wait for a plan to escape," Joker said. Batman frowned.

"Be good to her," he growled to Joker.

"Who on Earth are you talking about?" Joker asked.

"Harley." Joker blinked awkwardly. "She really loves you. For once in your life, _make someone smile._ " Joker heard a door close behind him and looked back, then back at Batman but realized he was gone. Harley came running and he heard her annoying voice.

"Mr. J! Mr. J!" she yelled and ran to his side. She helped him up. "Are you alright?" Harley began to dust of dirt that was on his suit. But Joker grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her lips. Harley widened her eyes and Joker let go.

"You can thank Batman," Joker said and pulled on his suit to lift it up to a comfortable position.

"About the Bats," Harley said slowly. "I kinda kissed 'em."

"You did _what_?!" Joker yelled and slapped Harley's face.


End file.
